Buffy the Buffet Slayer

With an origin that dates back to the 16th Century in Sweden, the Buffet is the greatest trick played on diners till date. You are put in a room with filled from wall-to-wall with food and are given a license to "eat all you want" for a few hours, o but don't forget, you cannot take anything away. (very Merchant of Venice).

My first ever buffet experience was pretty disappointing. I made the rooky mistake of filling up on a particular dish and in the end had no room left for anything else, and felt like I had wasted money just to eat one meal. I went in with the "Eat and Kill yourself" mentality.

Fast forward to 2013, and having perfected the art of Buffet Dining through years of practice, I headed down to the new and super swanky Intercontinental Hotel in Victoria-Island and put my skills to the test. Follow my tips for successfully eating at a buffet.

Tip No. 1: Have an empty stomach: Remember, this is a game, if you show up at a buffet having eaten a meal, game over!!The restaurant wins!!It is expedient that you have enough room in your tummy. It is also wise to stay away from tight waisted jeans or belts that will obstruct the inevitable expansion of your tummy.

Tip No. 2: Work the Room: By now your tummy should be rumbling and saying swear words at you at the sight of all the food, but DO NOT just grab a plate and dive into the first dish that catches your fancy. All the dishes are usually spaciously displayed, so walk around and know what is up for grabs.

Tip No.3:  Follow the four course rule:In most standard buffets, you have a wide array of bread-rolls, soups, entrees, pastas, meats, sea-food, salads and desserts. God being your strength, you should be able to work your way through everything!! So start small, bread-rolls or entrees first, a soup, a main course, then finish it off with a light dessert. After accomplishing this, you are at liberty to pig out and try anything else that tickles your fancy.

The journey should begin here

after dessert, let the random eating begin!

you might want to avoid this!

Looks like Chapman is on its way to being the official drink in Lagos

Tip No. 4: Portion Control: Keep it light. The idea isn't to pass out on the table. Small servings help you appreciate the meals even more.  You know you've dished too much when people send daggers at you with their eyes when you skip past with your plate.

Tip No. 5: Take "something" away: I am not ashamed to share this tip. Yes, yes, I know the principal rule of the buffet is that you can't take anything food away, BUT, there is no harm in trying.This will only work with light food though. So if you are keen on this tip, step 1, stack your plate with the object of your desire, step 2, casually lay out two serviettes on your plate, step 3;roll up the goods in the serviette and stash it into your big bag, especially carried for the occasion. Always leave something in the plate though. WARNING!! You have less than 30 seconds to do this before the eagle-eyed waiters accost you, or even worse, your fellow diners spot you and shake their heads at you in disdain.

Potential "take-away"

Now that I have passed on my gastronomic wisdom on to you, venture out into the world and conquer those buffet tables. Follow these tips and you will be the envy of the annual office retreat, when everyone else is sick and unable to walk.

Intercontinental's Sunday Buffet costs a handsome N 9,500 per head, not bad given the selection.

Please feel free to send us pictures of your conquests( or failed attempts), and I'll be sure to publish them. As always leave your comments and or questions , reading your hilarious comments are always a blast. AND!! you can follow me on Twitter for weekly foodie news and ramblings slash musings on @ Dedah Eats.

* Intercontinental Hotel's Sunday Buffet is from 12.30 pm to 4pm ...erm...every Sunday.